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  Hosted by Mel

I'm always open to suggestions on topics, and this month I was asked to write an article on jealousy. I wasn't quite sure where to start, but again, I found the answer within my own personal love life.

I'll admit to having a jealous streak. If my boyfriend looks at another girl that I think is prettier than me, then WHAM, he gets smacked. Not because my self-esteem is really low, or because I think he's going to leave me for this random girl, but because the green-eyed monster strikes me without warning. Sometimes I think, "Hey, what in the hell is wrong with me? He loves ME. He's with ME. What's my deal?" Then I try to keep my emotions under control. But, sooner or later, and usually sooner, another random girl prances by, and WHAM, he's smacked again.

I've talked to several people on jealousy, and it all seems to boil down to the same thing. We're jealous because we care. Now doesn't that make good sense? We are so in love with our partners that just the very thought of someone else glancing their way makes us jealous. Uh huh… Isn't that the same reasoning men (and women) give for abusing their significant other? "I only hit him because I care."

What word is in jealousy? LOUSY. We're putting unnecessary strain on our relationships, some even to the point where the spouse or girl/boyfriend leave. I don't have any really great advice on this, but this is the best I've found: "The main trick to overcoming jealousy is feeling good about who you are. If you can do it yourself, that's wonderful. Whenever you feel the jealousy coming on, start talking to yourself in your head. Remind yourself of your good qualities, and that you really have no reason to be jealous of your partner's actions." (Delilah 12-28-99) Also, try and see what the reasoning is behind your jealousy. Is your partner deliberately TRYING to make you jealous? Because if he/she is, then you need to address that issue. But if you know that your relationship is honestly strong, all I can say is to watch yourself and really try to tune in with your emotions. Many people have died because of jealousy getting out of hand, and I'd hate to see that happen to any of my readers.

Some jealousy, on the other hand, is actually beneficial to the relationship. It is one of the most natural emotions within our society. Would you really want to be with someone who just flat out didn't care about what you were doing and whom you were with? I know I wouldn't. Small bits of jealousy let's us remember just how special our partner is, and how incredibly lucky we are to have them.

For further reading, check out these links:

 
 Delilah's Relationship Advice: Jealousy
 Positive-Way: Jealousy and how to handle it
 Understanding and Handling Jealousy

 

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