Love bites

As I sat down to write this edition of Love Bites, I found that I had a great many things I could choose to write about. Love…it comes in so many forms and so many things can happen because of it. But I ran into a friend the other day and we talked about something that had just happened to her, something that had happened to me at one point, and something that I think everyone has gone through at some time in their lives.

My friend confessed to me that her boyfriend of 3 years had at one point cheated on her during a “break” in their relationship. (Who can forget the infamous Ross & Rachel scene? “WE WERE ON A BREAK!”) Actually, the cheating had occurred a week before the breakup happened. It made things worse that it had been with someone my friend was fairly close to, someone who really hadn’t been able to look her in the eye since it happened. We cried about it, but then my friend said something I thought was very amazing. “I’ve forgiven them both. For him to tell me, even if it meant losing me, was a very hard thing to do and I understand that. To confront my close friend about it was just as hard. But I know they were only being selfish, and it was never about me.”

No, it never WAS about her. In my opinion, cheating is always about the other person. I will confess that I have cheated on a boyfriend myself, and it wasn’t about HIM, it was about ME. And I’ve been cheated on, and I know for a fact that my boyfriend hadn’t done it to intentionally hurt me. But it hurts. Oh, how it hurts. It is one of the biggest blows your self-esteem will ever take. For weeks you’ll picture it in your head. How it started, what they were wearing, what they WEREN’T wearing, what they said and how they touched… You’ll replay it over and over in your mind. Each time your partner touches you, you’ll wonder if you’re pretty enough or handsome enough or smart enough to keep him or her from straying again. How do you live through this? You go by an old saying, “Forgive and Forget.”

Forgiving is the easy part. You do it if you truly love your partner, and if you think that your relationship is strong enough to handle the next part. You forgive because it will give you peace of mind. You forgive because if you’re to continue on with your relationship, you have to.

Forgetting…now there is the hard part. How do you forget something like that? Well, truthfully, you can’t. But, you can deal with it. The 2-3 weeks after the cheating announcement will be the hardest. You’ll think about it constantly, especially if you spend a lot of time with your partner. Don’t STOP thinking about it. Think about it until you can learn to deal with it. Keep communication open with your partner. Cry if you need to. Get it all out of your system so there is nothing left to hold you back. Then, realize that a mistake was made, but that it WAS a mistake, and that more than likely, it will not happen again.

Now for those of you cheaters, and I know you’re out there. You’ve HURT someone, probably someone that you care for very much, and if they’re still with you, obviously they care, too. There are things you’re going to have to do. Think of it as a nice punishment. (Note: This is only for the cheaters that are lucky enough to remain in their relationships. Very often, the relationship breaks up.) First of all, you’ve got to make your partner feel like they are the most important person in your life. Men, your girlfriend/wife is feeling very low, and very unattractive. She needs YOU to make her feel beautiful again. Compliment her, touch her, show her that she’s precious to you. Ladies, men have feelings, too. He’s got to feel like the “man” again…so I’ll leave that up to the imagination. (wink) A gift here and there isn’t a bad idea, for either sex. I’m not saying load them up with flowers and other things, but just a small something once in a while, just so they know you care. But the main thing is to just give positive reinforcement while they go through their “hell weeks.” They will be better for it, and maybe you will too.

I know we see the talk shows that claim “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” but this isn’t true. In fact, in a lot of cases, the cheating happened once in a bad moment, and will never happen again. Just never give up… at least, not until they cheat again. Then, call Jerry. :0)

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