Hosted By MelodyChild

“How do I get a date?”

Out of all the questions I receive, the biggest nail-biter is “How do I get a date?” Well…boy meets girl, or vice versa, and boy asks out girl, or vice versa. Most people meet in clubs, or at work, or in classrooms. However, with the increasing popularity of the internet, a great many people meet through chat rooms and instant messengers. There is, though, one dating outlet that most people tend to overlook, or just not talk about…

The Phone Date Line.

A few years ago, a friend and I got into the whole phone chat thing. It’s very simple. You call a number, set up a mailbox with a message and wait for people to leave you messages. Or you can chat “live” by recording a small message, then browsing through the other messages of people on the phone. It should be said here that most of these lines are free for women, but sorry guys, you’ve got to pay. Now my friend and I were usually pretty silly with this. We’d never give a description, and sometimes we would ask to meet a guy somewhere, then just go to see if he had shown up or not, never revealing who we were. These guys were usually just guys who weren’t too good looking, kinda shy, and pretty horny. I was curious to see if the quality of the guys on the line had changed. Turns out, it hasn’t.

I had to search pretty hard for the number of the same line I used to call. Usually, I could only find it in free entertainment papers that I picked up in music stores. But there I was, doing my morning workout, when it flashed on the screen. I picked up the phone and while doing my leg lifts, I called in. Armed with a southern accent thick enough to cut with a knife, and a perky personality any cheerleader would kill for, I became “Rebecca.”

“Hi, this is Rebecca! I’m 22, I’m a singer, I’m 5’7, 130 pounds, blonde hair and green eyes. I love cowboys, and going out drinkin’ and dancin’. This is my first time here, so be gentle!”

I browsed quickly through the messages of the 34 men who were online. Most began with the phrase “Whusup?” Guys…really, isn’t that a little overdone? Beep….”Whusup? I’m a 21 year old male…” No way, you’re a guy? Beep….”Sup ladies? I’m a hot…” Ok, nice try. Beep….”Single, professional male…very fit, very passionate…” So? “You have a message!” “Hi Rebecca, you sound hot. I’d love you eat you out.” I messaged this guy back with “God, you’re stupid” and then blocked him from messaging me. Beep….”Whusup? I…” One more whusup, and I’m gonna scream. Beep….”Are you looking for the perfect man?” I’m looking for two, and their names are Ben & Jerry. “You have a message!” “So um, I’ll be gentle. Huh.” Thanks Butt-Head. Beep….”Howdy ladies, I’m ready to…” I’d rather not find out. “You have a message!” “Hi, I’m Greg. I’m 30 and I’m a horrible cook, but luckily I have a sense of humor.” Hmm…interesting. The horrible cook and I messaged back and forth for a while, and I ended up with his cell phone number and his real name. This guy actually sounded cool, and I hope all the best for him. Beep…”Whusup?” Click.

Obviously I talked t more guys than this. I actually talked back and forth with about 5 guys. I got 2 numbers, one address, an invitation to a hotel, asked for oral sex twice, and received an offer for a modeling job. One of the men was married, one was in his 40’s. Three of them claimed to have their own business. All sounded very polite, as if they could be just the boy next door.

Well, they could be.

The realization I’ve come to is this: Phone lines are not really a decent way to meet guys. Even the internet seems to be a better place. There’s something about the phone that is a little too personal, along with feeling almost a little too detached. There is no delete key for what you say. Hearing someone’s voice makes them almost real, but fake as well. It’s fun to call just to see what kind of people are out there in your neck of the woods, but then again, it makes you realize what KIND of people are in your area.

Finally, men really are just 15 year old horny boys, no matter how old they get.